Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let's get the cat blown out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
