Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
