office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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