just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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