Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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