What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
