Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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