I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
