I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
