How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
