the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
