D3 body, D1 cock
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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