Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize