grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize