he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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