i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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