It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
