Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize