my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
