I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
