turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
