I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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