She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
worst night to have a conscience
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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