We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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