your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
