Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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