If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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