Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
