You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
