I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
