Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
