We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
