Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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