just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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