he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize