wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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