literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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