Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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