I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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