does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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