just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
