i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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