My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
