Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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