I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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