just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
