Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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