Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's blow job season.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
