It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
