In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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