You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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