I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize