Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
