he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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