I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
love makes seman taste better
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
