I've blown a few things in my day
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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