Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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