Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
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It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He better not be in your backpack
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday