im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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