hotties wanna shake it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."