Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

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  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (1214) Bad night (4955)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable

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  (678): Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable http://tfl.nu/zwpt
  Replies (50) Good night (5046) Bad night (707)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.

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  (217): I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage. http://tfl.nu/wgul
  Replies (31) Good night (1300) Bad night (3889)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Your favorite bartender is back from prision

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  (563): Your favorite bartender is back from prision http://tfl.nu/uuje
  Replies (12) Good night (6595) Bad night (927)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?

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  (480): ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen? http://tfl.nu/sppe
  Replies (17) Good night (3578) Bad night (1599)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.

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  (201): Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied. http://tfl.nu/g4t4
  Replies (8) Good night (3964) Bad night (966)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

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  (972): he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/boyq
  Replies (21) Good night (5925) Bad night (1660)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.

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  (978): Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant. http://tfl.nu/4fg6
  Replies (40) Good night (1186) Bad night (6662)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

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  (425): i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea http://tfl.nu/bucj
  Replies (8) Good night (1517) Bad night (620)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now

  (315): View more from New York

  I see you're taking unemployment seriously.

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  (607): I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now (315): I see you're taking unemployment seriously. http://tfl.nu/5xru
  Replies (3) Good night (2277) Bad night (695)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent

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  (330): If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent http://tfl.nu/pu74
  Replies (6) Good night (568) Bad night (1308)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.

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  (709): Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him. http://tfl.nu/nwj5
  Replies (14) Good night (971) Bad night (518)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.

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  (410): Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win. http://tfl.nu/bzly
  Replies (9) Good night (1390) Bad night (418)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.

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  (801): They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple. http://tfl.nu/xf6o
  Replies (5) Good night (1228) Bad night (467)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace

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  (469): I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace http://tfl.nu/grfb
  Replies (1) Good night (266) Bad night (419)

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