Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  What!?!?! How are you txting?!

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you. (1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?! (775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1ioc
  Replies (55) Good night (1172) Bad night (3114)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway? http://tfl.nu/bdir
  Replies (13) Good night (2420) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes http://tfl.nu/g6v6
  Replies (19) Good night (612) Bad night (3535)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim. http://tfl.nu/snt6
  Replies (21) Good night (1139) Bad night (3943)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs" http://tfl.nu/3iif
  Replies (19) Good night (3700) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college. http://tfl.nu/njr4
  Replies (26) Good night (7244) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die. http://tfl.nu/bqq9
  Replies (9) Good night (1057) Bad night (3096)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old. http://tfl.nu/papu
  Replies (8) Good night (7283) Bad night (1628)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this. http://tfl.nu/jiq7
  Replies (15) Good night (7358) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case. http://tfl.nu/jpiw
  Replies (13) Good night (4143) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least. http://tfl.nu/etpi
  Replies (2) Good night (1821) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza. http://tfl.nu/b1m9
  Replies (0) Good night (815) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted http://tfl.nu/dbr2
  Replies (6) Good night (1209) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica. http://tfl.nu/fg5p
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila! http://tfl.nu/xkdv
  Replies (5) Good night (1008) Bad night (334)

Randomize