He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?