I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
