I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
