If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We have so much sex to catch up on
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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