So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
