I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
