you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
