I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
