My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
